Ah, the city of lost angels. Were it only so, the trip could be much more enchanting. However, to get to Los Angeles, you need to actually get in the car and drive on the "5". Famous 5. Known for its.....boredom and brownness. Yes, seriously, brownness. Look at the photo! When the thing you look forward to on your journey is reaching the bottom of the grapevine (the twisty giant hill before you reach LA) where there is one lone Starbucks and a new (not open yet) In-Out Burger, sadly, your trip is mighty boring. You can see from the pictures that L&P had the same attitude.
Driving south on the 5 is very different than driving north. North is boring too, but at least we found a Peets Coffee which is far superior to Starbucks any day. Do you think it is fair that on the entire interstate that two decent coffee places could be placed that far apart? Perhaps it is to keep up hope so that you actually continue to drive through from one end to the other without hurling your car into the brownness never to be seen again?
There is a special special place on the 5. It is called Coalinga and if anyone reads this and is from this place, I certainly apologize in advance and wish you godspeed in getting your nostrils clean some day. It is home to Harris Ranch and the fond pack of steer that will someday be dinner. Until then, they linger right off the 5 on a long stretch where the road curves just enough to allow for trucks to slow down and block the free flow of fast moving cars. Always. So there is no quick escape past this torture. What torture you ask? Ah. Well, even if your air circulation vent is closed on your vehicle it does not matter. It will even awaken a sleeping L&P, noses arising in the air before bodies even get up to figure out why there is suddenly 534 pounds of shit in our car. It is miles and miles of cattle standing in overdone, overheated, dry aired, foul, extra-excrement and piss. You can see the waves of it poofing into the atmosphere from the heat and volume. It burns your nostrils - permeates your pores and fills your car with the stench for miles after you finally burn past this. That is if you can. There has been only one time that we have been able fly past not impeded by the big trucks. And that one lone time the air was moving in a different direction so the stench was milder. If one can call rotting poop by the ton milder.
This time we stopped after the aforementioned death-smell hole to gas up and Momo was sure it was far enough past to be rid of the smell. Apparently not. And apparently the little tiny poop flies needed to gas up too because there were thousands of them all over the gas pumps. As soon as you opened your door in flew the flies by the handful. It took a long time to coax them all out of the car. P thought that they place was pretty fine because she had her nose in the air the entire time it took her to pee.
And by the way fellow dog people. Just because you are traveling with your dog on a road trip does not mean you are exempt from picking up the poop! Especially the pile that looked like the dog was 240 pounds! Momo could not believe her eyes, and she could see the pile from the highway almost. Even P, who is known to love the poop would not go near that one. It was taller than she.
Drivers in the Los Angeles area are special special. They live in an area of the world where make believe is premier, so they make believe drive too. Some of them think that reading while driving is fine. Others prefer to chat on the multiple chat devices one can own these days, all at once. And others think that dining while driving is perfectly acceptable too, although they forget the chauffeur and stain free clothing. Momo is not talking about the snacking that we all do on occasion while motoring, but plate, napkin, utensils while driving and mind you, while wearing white. That takes a certain amount of belief in the make believe, don't you think?
Some like to drive at what they think the speed limit ought to be. That can range from faster than a speeding bullet to foot not exactly on the accelerator, but letting idle tootle you down the road. What you rarely see in Los Angeles are drivers just driving. The Momo family has seen it all. Dressing, and um, undressing. Dining. Chatting on multiple mobile devices. Reading. Mapping. Changing wigs. Everyone can probably say they have seen someone applying make-up while driving, but I bet you can't say you have seen both men and women applying products on the face, and um, elsewhere. Tanner too. It is LA after all.
L&P would care to not rate the drive as you can see from their expressions. Lulu would rather eat my hat. Momo would prefer to spend the trip with an inhaler, goggles, and perhaps some aroma therapy devices as well as nose plugs. Mr. Momo would like to either wear an ipod or turn the zippy music up to ward off smells, boredom and the "are we there " whines from the back seat. And ok, the passenger seat.
Stay tuned. We have only just arrived.
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